


Wrong Name

by BloomingBeaches



Series: Dream SMP Shenanigans [5]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Blind TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Caring Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Chatting & Messaging, Clay | Dream & Technoblade Friendship (Video Blogging RPF), Duck Hybrid Alexis | Quackity, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enderman Hybrid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Feral TommyInnit (Video Blogging RFP), Fluff, Foster Care, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Ghost Wilbur Soot, Homelessness, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Hybrid Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jschlatt and Toby Smith | Tubbo are Siblings, Long-Haired Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), M/M, Moobloom Toby Smith | Tubbo, Multi, Neopronouns, Nonbinary Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Not Canon Compliant, Older Sibling Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), Older Sibling Wilbur Soot, Orphanage, Orphans, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Piglin Hybrid Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Prince Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Raccoon Hybrid TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo Gets Stabbed, Sad Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Sheep Hybrid Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Stabbing, Tags May Change, Technoblade Uses Neopronouns, Technoblade Uses Xe/Xem/Xeir Neonouns, Transphobia, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, Worried Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:40:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29420991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloomingBeaches/pseuds/BloomingBeaches
Summary: Soulmates are a fickle thing. They can be everything and nothing, everywhere and nowhere. They can be right in front of your face or they could be thousands of miles away. You could see them everyday, you could see one once a week, once a month, or once a year and you might never know.Soulmates aren’t always romantic, either. They’re eros, agape, philia, philautia, storge, pragma, ludus, and mania. Soulmates bond people together, create bonds that can’t be broken. They take ordinary people and make them extraordinary in other people’s eyes.These affections are spread and told in different ways, too. They’re told through affections of touch, service, gift-giving, gift-receiving, affirmative words, and spending quality time with their loved ones.Love itself is a fickle thing. And, perhaps for this giant group of adorable idiots, they can find it in each other, soulmate or not.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Jschlatt, Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Eret & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo
Series: Dream SMP Shenanigans [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2149860
Comments: 42
Kudos: 411





	1. I'm Still Bleeding Out

**_Dream_ ** **has added 9 users to the group chat.**

**_Dream_ ** **has renamed the group chat.**

**Dream:** GROUP CHAT LETS GOOOO

**Pandas:** Dream please,, its literally 3 am,

**???:** i dont think im supposed to be here

**Big Crime:** :0 

**Big Crime:** RANBOOO HEL LO!!

**???:** hello, tubbo :]

**Dream:** that smile is ugly

**Mr. Sleeps:** :[

**Dream:** why wiuld you think that would work?

**BloodGod:** there's a reason i blocked you, Dream.

**???:** oh my god that's mr blade

**BloodGod:** what?

**PO GCHAMP:** RANBOOOOO

**???:** hello tommy :]

**PO GCHAMP:** BIG MAN HOW R U

**???:** tommy im dying

**PO GCHAMP:** that sucks big man

**???:** I know lmaoo

**PO GCHAMP:** how are you dying thsi time?

**???:** oh i got stabbed

**Big Crimes:** ranboo are you oaky?

**???:** coupd be better, not gonna lie. i'm slowly loosing consciousness. today is not a good day

**BloodGod:** how are you still alive?

**???:** spite

**Dream:** i like this kid

**Mr. Sleeps:** dream you just met him

**???:** actually im not a him

**???:** im a they/them

**Mr. Sleeps:** oh sorry

**Mr.Sleeps:** dream you just met them. 

**Dream:** i said what i said

**Pandas:** i wouldnt argue with him, george

**Mr, Sleeps:** im going back to bed, tell me when dream asks someone out

**Pandas:** its not time for you to die yet, george

**BloodGod:** i hate it here

**_BloodGod_ ** **has left the chat**

**_Dream_ ** **has added** **_BloodGod_ ** **to the chat**

**BloodGod:** I hate you.

**Dream:** <3

**_BloodGod_** **has left the chat**

**_BloodGod_** **has been added to the chat**

**BloodGod:** why do you all hate me. Why do you let me suffer like this. Please, i just want to leave the group chat

**???:** not to bother you guys, but im still bleeding out

**PO GCHAMP:** OH FUCKSDJHFJKS

**Callahans Got Bitches:** come here ill stitch u up.

**???:** i dont,, know your address

**???:** ill just go to the hospital though its fine

**???:** thank you though :]

**Callahans Got Bitches:** k. Offer still stands if you change ur mind tho.

  
  
  


_ 5:45 AM _

**Quackmeister:** WHAT THE FUCK?

**BAA-:** did yall watch a kid get fuckin stabbed?

**???:** in their defense i am freakishly tall and it was dark outside

**BAA-:** i have two questions

**???:** okay??

**BAA-:** one: how tall are you?

**BAA-:** two: why would someone stab a kid?

**???:** im 6’7 but when i get anxious i become like 8’5 because of endermen things. And because i’d assume they were scared. Not super sure but they screamed and then stabbed me, so probably scared

**BAA-:** WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING TALL???

**???:** im an,, endermen hybrid

**BAA-:** OH SO YOURE TALL TALL OKAY

**Quackmeister:** are you still bleeding tho??

  
**???:** oh most definitely


	2. Fly Me to the Moon but it's Agressive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why is Tommy the way he is? no one knows but we appreciate him all the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade uses proper punctuation, no i woll not take critissm.

**Quackmeister** : WTF IS THE MATTER WITH YOU???

**PO GCHAMP:** FLy ME TO THe MOON

**Quackmeister:** SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

**Big Crimes:** Hello, Tommy! :) Hello, Big q!

**PO GCHAMP:** LET ME SING AMONG THE STARS

**PO GCHAMP:** HELLO TUBBO HOW ARE YOU

**PO GCHAMP:** LET ME SEE WHAT SPRING IS LIKE ON

**Quackmeister:** SHIT THE FICK UP TOMMYINNIT

**PO GCHAMP** : JUPITER. AND. MARS.

**Quackmeister:** litwrally what the fuck is wrong with you. whatid wrong with you, tommy.

**PO GCHAMP:** DO YOU WANT ME TO DO IT AGAIN????

**Quackmeister:** dear god no,, not again

**PO GCHAMP:** THEN TAKE IT BACK BITCH

**Quackmeister** : No. I said what I said.

**_PO GCHAMP_ ** _ has started a call _

“Hello, Tommy!” Tubbo smiled. Tommy gave a greeting back, “Hello, Quackity! How are you?”

“I'm fucking miserable, Tubbo!” Quackity wailed dramatically, “Are you seeing the shit that Tommy is doing? He’s torturing me!”

Tubbo laughed and then, like a bomb, a loud noise goes off. That loud noise is TommyInnit, much to Quackity’s dismay.

“Fly me to the moon!”

“No! No! No!” Quackity yelled, “Fuck you! Fuck you, TommyInnit!” The man hung up, leaving Tommy and Tubbo in the call by themselves.

Tubbo laughed again. “What did Quackity say?”

“He said that women didn’t love me,” Tommy scoffed. “Which is obviously a lie, because I have many women. I get so many bitches, Tubbo, it’s unreal.”

“I can’t believe Quackity would day such a thing..” Tubbo smirks, trying to hold in a laugh. A shout is heard and then Tubbo’s face turns apologetic. “Sorry, big man! Schlatt’s calling me. See ya!”

Tommy says goodbye and then Tubbo hangs up. 

  
  


**_3:23 PM_ **

**Quackmeister:** wait tommy arent you blind?? how the fuck are you typing??

**PO GCHAMP:** TEXT TO SPEECH, BITCH

**Quackmeister:** pog

**???:** wait Tommy you’re blind?

**PO GCHAMP: YEAH LMAO CHEMICAL ACCIDENT WHEN I WAS 12**

**???:** oh cool. sorry for your eyesight though, the chemicals probably burned

**PO GCHAMP:** ITS COOL. I GET TO FLEX THAT IM BETTER THAN EVERYONE NOW

**???:** oh and you can get out of certain assignments, too!! that's actually really cool, Tommy

**PO GCHAMP** : YEAHHHH NOW YOU GET IT, BIG MAN RANBOO

**???** : god i love being smart

**BloodGod:** Would you all shut up? I have homework to finish.

**PO GCHAMP:** MAKE ME BITCH

**BloodGod:** Do you want to lose your other four senses as well?

**PO GCHAMP:** POINT TAKEN GOODBYE THUMBS UP EMOJI

**???:** oh my god it doesnt register emojis this is amazing

**???** : oh this is so funny. this is funny

**BAA-:** Where the Fuck is Tubbo?

**Big Crimes:** Schlatt I’m right behind you

**BAA-:** what the Fuck.


	3. Mr. Blade, can you help me with my homework?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the only thing i could think abt while writing this is that one sea shanty thats floating around tiktok lmao

**???:** do any of you know how to do geometry?

**PO GCHAMP:** GEOMETRY IS FOR PUSSIES

**Mr. Sleeps** : yall still taking geometry?????

**Pandas:** you just woke up from a six hour nap and missed like two major classes, stfu

**???** : george that cant be healthy

**Me, Sleeps:** It’s not.

**???** : oh,

**???** : so who knows geometry?

**Big Crimes** : Technoblade does!! :)

**PO GCHAMP:** THATS BECAUSE TECHNO’S A PUSSY

**BloodGod:** Tommy, you have five seconds to run before I get the orphan obliterator.

**???:** the what 🧍

**Big Crimes:** technoblade doesnt like oprhans

**BloodGod** : They killed my family, Tubbo.

**Minecraft:** you really need to stop telling people that

**BloodGod:** No. It’s funny.

**???:** well i am totally not scared for my life right now :D

**BloodGod:** Are you an orphan, Ranboo?

**???:** I plead the fifth

**???:** Mr. Blade can you help me with my homework please? i dont understand it and i am going to cry if i cant figure it out

**BloodGod:** I’m at the library, second floor next to bookshelf 358.

**???:** Okay!! Thank you :]

**PO GCHAMP** : I STILL THINK GEOMETRY IS FOR PUSSIES

**???** : tommy, aren’t you in my geomerty class?

**PO GCHAMP:** OH FUCK THAT MEANS I HAVE HOMEWORK TOO

**BloodGod** : Tommy, aren’t you failing three classes?

**PO GCHAMP:** TECHNOBLADE CAN YOU HELP ME TOO

**BloodGod:** I could.

**BloodGod:** However, I already have my hands full with Ranboo.

**PO GCHAMP:** FUCK YOU TECHNOBLADE

**???:** i am just imagining Tommy yelling at his phone and it is so funny

**BloodGod:** That’s because he is yelling at his phone. Or from across the room, though it’s probably the latter.

**???:** i’m going to pretend that i know basic english words

**BloodGod:** Do you need help with your english homework, too?

**???:** yes please.

**Big Crimes:** can I join, tehcnoblade?

**BloodGod:** Yes. Bring Tommy with you, please.

**Quackmeister:** Oh so you’ll help the freshmen but you won’t help me?

**BloodGod:** Quackity, you are a business major with a 4.0 GPA. You don’t need my help.

**Quackmeister:** Youre right but you didn't have to point it out. jeez.

**BloodGod:** I have a pickaxe and I will drive it right between your teeth if you don’t shut up, Alexis.

**Quackmeister:** oh fuck you used my real name bye-

  
  
  


**BloodGod to Quackmeister**

**BloodGod:** Sorry for using your real name. I was just stressed from my own classes. If you still need help, Ranboo and their friends have just left the library.

**Quackmeister:** It’s fine, Techno! Just don’t do it again please? I’ll be down there in a few minutes because I cannot figure out how this word in english is spelled.

**BloodGod:** Lmao.

**Quackmeister:** SCREENSHOTTED YOU FUCKING LOSER

**BloodGod:** E.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quackity & techno friendship >>


	4. We Stay Hating Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> None of this makes sense and I fully intend to keep it that way.

5:34 PM

**???:** uhhhhh wheres mr Blade

**PO GCHAMP** : HE’S SICK

**???:** oh okay, thanks tommy

**PO GCHAMP** : YEP

4:35 AM

**BAA-** : Tubbo and i are at wendy’s, do yall want anything

**???:** can i have a vanilla frosty and some fries please

**Big Crimes** : yes

**BAA-** : no

**Big Crimes** : you can hvae a frosty and fries, big man

**???:** thank you, tubbo :]

**BAA-** : i hate you tubbo

**Big Crimes** : im telling mom

**BAA-** : tubbo we dont have a mom

**Big Crimes** : oh yeah? well then who’s this

**Big Crimes** : [mommaq.png]

**BAA-** : Tubbo.

**BAA-** : That’s Quackity.

**Big Crimes** : and?

**Quackmeister** : lmao im ur mom now fucking loser

**Pandas** : schlatt how does it feel to be taking orders from quackity

**BAA-** : how does your last five seconds alive feel?

**Pandas** : My what?

**Pandas** : PH FUCKHVJDG

**???:** is he okay?

**Dream** : nope lmao

**???:** o h.

**Dream** : wait i forgot to add someone lmao give me like two seconds

**_Fundy_ ** _ has been added to  _ **_Dream’s Losers_ **

**Fundy** : what the fuck is this

**BloodGod** : Oh thank God, another semi-sensible person in this group chat.

**Fundy** : Dream let me leave

**Dream** : no

**Fundy** : Dream.

**Fundy** : Please. Im begging.

**???:** :0 fundy

**fundy** : nvm id like to stay here. ranboo’s polite.

**Dream** : fuck you

  
  
  


5:00 AM

**Big Crimes** : ranboo we have your food

**???:** oh thank god im starving

**Big Crimes** : send me ur address so we can gove it to u

**???:** just meet me at the bridge downtown, im not home rn

**BloodGod** : It’s five in the morning. Go to bed.

**???:** normally i would say no, but im 10 percent scared of technoblade

**BloodGod** : That’s a good amount of fear. Carry on with your day.

**PO GCHAMP** : DO NOT BE AFRAID OF THIS PINK BITCH RAN BOO! HE ONCE TRIED TO EAT A SOCK

**BloodGod** : Why have you forsaken me, TommyInnit?

**PO GCHAMP** : LMAO

**BloodGod** : Your room is down the hall. I’m not afraid to wake up Phil by murdering you.

**???:** i’m now 15 percent terrified of mr Blade

**BloodGod** : Poggers.

**Quackmeister** : wtaf if wrong wigh you. why would uou use correct punctuation witj tje word poggers? why would you fucking do that?

**BloodGod** : I live to defy God and farm potatoes, Quackity.

**Fundy** : didnt you murder a guy once????

**BloodGod** : I owed someone a favor.

**???:** 35 percent scared

**BloodGod** : I take that back. I murdered nobody.

**Dream** : isnt that the name of Phil’s arch nemesis that died two years ago?

**BloodGod** : Dream I would suggest that you shut up before I tell everyone what happened freshman year.

**Dream** : would you look at the, i suddenly have to go to the mall

**Pandas** : ??? its 4 am, the mall is closed??

**Dream:** :) if you rat me out i will destroy your entire bloodline, sapnap

**Pandas:** point taken, please continue with your day, dream

**Dream:** thanks

**???:** hey yeah um what the heck was that

**BloodGod:** Don’t worry about it, small child

**???:** I’m like 6’6

**BloodGod:** Small child.

**PO GCHAMP:** HE DOESN’T WANT TO ADMIT THAT HE’S SHORTER THAN YOU

**BloodGod:** Tommy, why do you forsake me. I have done absolutely nothing to you.

**PO GCHAMP:** LOL

_ 6:00 AM _

**Dream:** GUYS

**Dream:** IRL MANHUNT EXCEPT IM RUNNING FROM DARWIN

**Dream:** SOMEONE SAVE ME PLEASE

**Big Crimes:** who is Darwin?

**BloodGod:** Some guy from the police department. He’s ridiculously albeist and homophobic, with a little bit of transphobia for spice, and no one likes him. It’s a wonder that he’s still in the police force.

**???:** I’ll send you my address, climb in through the doggydoor in the back. I’ll keep Darwin off your back 

**Dream:** YOU’RE A GODSEND THAN K YOUDKJABHDJCKH

**Ert:** Darwin bodied him. I’m about to break a bitch’s legs.

**???:** Tell him Ranboo’s on the way, he’ll back off

**Ert:** okay???

**BloodGod:** Ranboo what does that mean?

**Ert:** oh my god it fucking worked

**Ranboo:** The perks of having a restraining order :]

**Ert:** the WHAT :D

**Ranboo:** wait who changed my name? I liked the question marks D:

**???:** I fixed it. 

**???:** But to answer your question, Darwin has a restraining order against me. Long story, don’t have time to talk abt it.

**BloodGod:** Oh my god. Even I don’t have a restraining order placed on me.

**_Wilbur_ ** **has been added to Dream’s Losers**

**Dream:** Restraining order buddies :)

**Wilbur:** someone else has a restraining order? Who??

**???:** Me. Against Darwin.

**Wilbur:** pog. i have a retraining order against my old work place. can t be within 500 meters of the place

**???:** nice. Can’t be within like six to ten feet of darwin. Hate that guy.

  
**Dream:** We stay hating him lmaoo


	5. TRIANGLES ARE CONFUSING???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now is the time for angst to be brought into the story. anyways stan king julian and ranboo for clear skin :]

**BAA-:** Tommy. if u r blind, how do u do ur homework?

**PO GCHAMÑ:** I HAVE A COMPUTER FOR TEXT TO SPEECH. SOMETIMES TECHNO HELPS. 

**BAA-:** nice.

**PO GCHAMP:** i also cAnt gEt below a 60 so i can never majorly fail My classes

**BAA-:** i just got fucking whiplash from the lowercase letters wtf

**PO GCHAMP:** yeaH i got a New phOne :)

**BAA-:** oh sweet. what kind?

**PO GCHAMP:** do yoU thinK i can fucking See the moDel schlatt?

**BAA-:** my bad lol

**Big Crimes:** omw tommy

**???:** same. be ther ekn .01

**PO GCHAMP:** THANK YOU

**BAA-:** what the fuck???

_ 4:32 AM _

**Big Crimes:** CRISIS DEVERTED

**BAA-:** The word is spelled with an ‘i’, Tubbo

**Big Crimes:** DEVIRTED?

**BAA-:** Diverted.

**Big Crimes:** thank you schlatt :)

**BAA-:** ew. 

**Big Crimes:** i will smother you with afection, dont test me bitch

**BAA-:** i’m not even home??

**Big Crimes:** Do You Think That Will Stop Me?

**BAA-:** horrifying. never do that again.

**Big Crimes:** LMAO

**Quackmeister:** hey guys when is fourth block starting?

**Quackmeister:** nvm ill figure it out on my own,;;,;

**BAA-:** Quackity it started like an hour ago??? There’s five minutes left of class??????????

**Quackmeister:** Fuck.

**BAA-:** Quackity missing class aside, what was wrong with tommY?

**Big Crime:** He forgot what a triangle was

**PO GCHAMP:** I AM LITERALLY BLIND TUBBO

**Big Crime:** That’s okay!! We all still love you all the same /p :)

**PO GCHAMP:** FCUK YUO TUBBO

  
  
  


**King Julian’s Cult**

**Cpt. Boo:** Guys I lost Jjjjjjjjeffery

**Mr. Underscore:** D: OH NO

**Mr. Innit:** WHERE WAS THE LAST PLACE YOU SAW HIM?

**Cpt. Boo:** He was in the backyard but now I can’t find him. I literally can’t see because I’m crying

**Mr. Innit:** TECHNO AND I ARE ON THE WAY TO HELP YOU

**Cpt. Boo:** Suddenly i do not need help finding my cat

**Mr. Innit:** WE’RE HELPING SO SHUT THE FUCK UP. BESIDES, WE’RE ALREADY OUTSIDE. OPEN UP BITCH (CARINGLY)

**Mr. Underscore:** I can cofirnm, I am also with them :)

**Cpt. Boo:** i hate u guys. Why must you foresake me this way? Im going to go cry in my room by myself now

**Mr. Innit:** RANBOO YOU MIGHT NEED A NEW DOOR

**Cpt. Boo:** Tommy what did you do,,

**Cpt. Boo:** TOMMY DID YOU BREAK MY DOOR???

**Mr. innit:** NO. TECHNO DID.

**Cpt. Boo:** TECHNOBLADE BROKE MY DOOR??

///

As quick as they could, Ranboo rushed downstairs from their room. The world seemed to be going in slow motion as the sun slowly,  _ so slowly _ , peaked over the horizon. And, as Tommy said, there stood Technoblade with Ranboo’s broken door. Tubbo held an apologetic gaze and Tommy didn’t seem to show any remorse.

Tears are trekking down their face, small scars from crying starting to form. Techno took one look at him and immediately ushered him towards the bathroom. It took a while to find it, since it had been Technoblade’s first time in the kid’s house, but eventually they do find the washroom. 

Ranboo is seated on the counter, long and dangly legs awkwardly hitting the cabinets. Technoblade is searching through the cabinets, looking for what Ranboo could only assume was the first aid kit. “Mr. Blade..?” Ranboo whispers. His voice is quiet and shaky. “The first aid kit is in the hallways. It’s hanging up on the wall.” Technoblade nods and walks out, with a promise of being back in a second. 

The man Ranboo admires so much stays true to his word. He comes back with the first aid quickly, and instantly starts to tend to the kid’s tear-caused injuries. It's quiet for a few moments before Tommy and Tubbo enter the bathroom. 

“What do you want us to do, Ranboo?” Tubbo asks. Tommy looks like he’s on the verge of crying himself (he’d always had a soft spot for Jjjjjjjeffery, ever since he’d met the cat). 

Ranboo doesn’t trust themself to speak without breaking into sobs again.

“Can you look for Jjjjjjjjeffery?” They ask anyway, new tears falling down his face and making a sizzling sound. The teens see Technoblade flinch at the sound. Ranboo flinches, too, from the pain of their tears. Tommy and Tubbo nod and then they’re turning tail and going to look for the cat, phones in their pockets. 

Technoblade continues tending to Ranboo’s wounds. There’s an uncomfortable silence as Techno wraps the kid’s head in bandages after he puts on an ointment to help soothe the sting of tears dripping down their face. He’s careful not to wrap it too tight, as to not restrict the kid’s airways or hurt their eyes. 

“Why’re you crying?” He asks. Ranboo realizes that they’ve never heard Technoblade speak; they’ve only ever seen clips where he’s fencing or sword fighting, there wasn’t ever any talking unless absolutely necessary, and even then they couldn’t really pick up on it. Technoblade’s voice was guttural, rough, low, and orotund. His voice still held emotion, even with how monotone he sounded. Technoblade sounded concerned and worried. Distressed, maybe? Ranboo would call his role model’s voice rough, but in a mildly-pleasant and comforting way.

It was much unlike Tommy’s voice. Sure, Tommy had a sort-of deep voice, but it was still a bit more on the normal side of the vocal spectrum. Tommy’s voice was like a foghorn. Some people often called it grating, or perhaps strident and unpleasant at times. Ranboo would call Tommy’s voice one that was often tremulous from excitement. The blond’s voice was also one that was piercing and tinny on occasion.

Tubbo’s voice was appealing and often showed approval, but it could also be fruity or honeyed depending on the situation. Tubbo knew how to change the pitch of his voice in a controlled way, and he used that to his advantage to annoy his peers into getting what he wanted. Ranboo quite enjoyed this aspect of their nature-loving friend, it meant that Tubbo, Tommy, and them could get away with a lot of things with minimal consequences. 

“Hey, kid?” Techno’s voice shakes Ranboo from their thoughts. Technoblade’s face is filled with worry, his pink eyebrows furrowed and mouth turned in a frown. Ranboo shakes their head really quickly to try and clear it of any thoughts (they don’t think it works as well and they hoped it would). “You okay?” 

Ranboo takes in a shuddering breath before nodding. They’ll be okay, they know that they’ll be. They’re always okay, even when they’re not, because they have to be. They have to be okay because if he’s not then no one will want him--no one will adopt him if he’s not okay. Getting adopted as a hybrid is hard enough as it is, but getting adopted as a hybrid with severe anxiety and memory loss issues? That was a battle that Ranboo just happened to be on the losing side of. They were lucky enough to be put in a foster home and stay there for as long as they have. 

“Yeah.” They respond, “Yeah, I’ll be okay,” Their words come out breathy and stuttered. 

Techno’s eyebrows unfurrow and suddenly his worried look had dissolved into one of concern. “That ain’t what I asked, Ranboo. Are you okay?”

“Well,” Ranboo starts, “I just lost my cat, so I’d say I’m doing pretty good.”

///

**_King Julian_ **

**Mr. Underscore:** WE FOUDN HIM RANBOO

**Mr. Innit:** WE ARE ON OUR WAY BACK WITH THE CAT

**Mr. Innit:** I REPEAT

**Mr. Innit:** WE ARE ON OUR WAY BACK WITH THE CAT

**Cpt. Ranboo:** where difd ydo dfind him?

**Mr. Underscore:** He was by the bridge, the one close to the school

**Cpt. Ranboo:** thajsf thirty minutes awya sfthough/”?

**Cpt. Ranboo:** GUYS ITSNJCK ABEEN LIKE TEN MINUTESFGS????

**Mr. Underscore:** I’m a lawyer, don’t worry

**Cpt. Ranboo:** THAT ESCP ALC INS NOTHIGN???

**Cpt. Ranboo:** IM SO SORFRY FOR BEING ILLIERATE I CANT SEE ANYTNGISN

  
**Mr. Innit:** I WOULD ASK YOU TO OPEN THE DOOR BUT IT IS BROKEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so how we feelin' abt tommy's stream today? (2/22/21) tell me your theories abt it!! i'd love to hear them :D


	6. Canonically Married Pog?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo adopts a chicken. He and Ranboo have news to share with the small group chat they consider a small world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because im a sucker for tubbo and ranboo's friendship, i've decided that Yes. Their marriage will be involved in this story. but it's all platonic, because shipping minors is gross :]

**Mr. Underscore:** hey guys we have a probelm.

**Mr. Innit:** WHAT HAPPENED?

**Cpt. Ranboo:** did something happen?

**Mr. Underscore:** I picked up a chicken off the side of the road.

**Mr. Innit:** NO NO NO NO WE ARE NOT GETTING ANOTHER PET

**Mr. Underscore:** That’s what you said last tiem.

**Cpt. Ranboo:** what’s the chicken’s name?

**Mr. Underscore:** I’ve named him

**Mr. Underscore:** Micheal

**Cpt. Ranboo:** as you should, carry on with your day please

///

**_[Private Dms - Tubbo My Beloved to Ranboo My Beloved]_ **

**Tubbo My Beloved:** Ranboo

**Tubbo My Beloved:** what if we got canonically married, Ranboo?

**Ranboo My Beloved:** You are so smart

**Ranboo My Beloved:** Are we canonically married now?

**Tubbo My Beloved:** considering that we have a child named Micheal now, yes

**Ranboo My Beloved:** we have a WHAT?

  
  


**_Dream’s Losers_ **

**Big Crimes:** Phil i got a chicken

**Big Crimes:** oh wait phil isnt in this chat.

**Big Crimes:** dream can you make me an admin pls

**Dream:** yeah 

**_Dream_ ** **has given** **_Big Crimes_ ** **admin permissions**

**???:** Dream do u understand what you’ve done. You’ve rained hell fire on all of us.

**Big Crimes:** lmao

**_Big Crimes_** **has added** ** _Mr. Minecraft_** **to the chat.**

**Big Crimes:** Phil i got a chicken.

**Mr. Minecraft:** oo nice. What’s the chicken’s name?

**Big Crimes:** Micheal. He is Ranboo and i’s child.

**Mr. Minecraft:** poggers.

**Mr. Minecraft:** wait what?? You and ranboo have a child?? Since when??

**Big Crimes:** roughly thirty minutes ago, i’d reckon

**//**

_ 5:24 PM _

**Big Crimes:** Guys we have important news

**Big Crimes:** it is so important that u have to be here right now

**Big Crimes:** i will ping u all dont fucking test me whores

**Dream:** Tubbo there is no need to ping us all

**Big Crimes:** Oh, there isn’t? then what is this

**???:** Don’t ping everybody, Tubbo

**Big Crimes:** _@everyone_

**Big Crimes:** oops.. 

**Big Crimes:** sorry Ranboo my beloved

**PO GCHAMP:** HELLO TUBBO 

**PO GCHAMP:** WHY DID YOU PING EVERYONE?

**Big Crimes:** Ranboo and i have important news :]

**???:** It’s extremely important, don’t worry, we won’t be wasting anyone’s time

**Mr. Minecraft:** Tubbo, Ranboo, what’s the news?

**Fundy:** Ranboo, what’s the news?

**Big Crimes:** i’m dissapointed that you only mentioned Ranboo, Fundy. i’m extremely disappointed.

**Fundy:** cry over it, bitch

**PO GCHAMP:** DONT CALL TUBBO A BITCH YOU BITCH

**Fundy:** sorry i didnt mean to send that lmfao

**Big Crimes:** that’s okay, Fundy! i know you didnt mean it :)

**Fundy:** my point does still stand: cry over it.

**Big Crimes:** Sleep with one eye open, Fundy.

**Fundy:** when did tubbo become intimidating im-

**???:** He always has been, he just refuses to be mean to people unless they express a reason for him to be

**Fundy:** i understood all of those words

**Fundy:** separately

**???:** Damn, must suck.

**Big Crimes:** LMFAO

**Pandas:** so what’s the news? im tryna sleep

**Mr. Sleeps:** its 5 in the afternoon?

**Pandas:** you sleep 23 hours every day, shut your mouth

**Mr. Sleeps:** No. Stfu. Go die.

**Pandas:** only for you <3

**Dream:** this is blatant dream erasure

**Mr. Sleeps:** You can die, too, dream

**Dream:** finally some recognition in this house smh my head

**???:** I am now greatly concerned for all three of y’alls mental health

**Mr. Sleeps:** You say “y’all”, you don’t have room to talk

**???:** Fair point, carry on with your day.

**Blood God:** Why did you ping everyone, Tubbo? And, most importantly, what does Ranboo have to do with it?

**???:** oh crap i forgot mr. blade was in this group chat-

**Blood God:** Tubbo. Why did you ping everybody? Some of us were in class.

**Big Crimes:** Ranboo, do you want to tell them?

**???:** if you don’t want to, i guess

**Big Crimes:** :0 i want to tell them

**???:** the floor is yours, then, tubbo

**Big Crimes:** FUCK YEAH

**PO GCHAMP:** WHY DID IT TAKE YOU SO FUCKING LONG TO SPIT OUT THE NEWS?

**Big Crimes:** Tommy, i haven’t said anything yet

**PO GHCHAMP:** WELL FUCKIN SPIT IT OUT THEN!

**Big Crimes:** Ranboo and i are canonically married now. We have a child. Our child is Micheal the chicken.

**Blood God:** Oh god. Ranboo, what have you done? You’ve conspired with the enemy. Ranboo, how could you?

**???:** I’m sorry, Techno! My heart tells me that I must marry Tubbo!

**Blood God:** I’m afraid I have no choice, then…

**???:** Technoblade?

**Blood God:** I can’t be your mentor anymore, Ranboo.

**Fundy:** Hey, guys?

  
**Fundy:** What the Fuck? :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> technoblade and ranboo are the most dramatic mfs when u put them next to each other or in the general vicinity of each other, and in this essay i will-


	7. Techno, stop being Dramatic.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Techno is being dramatic, Ranboo wants to try snorting a pixy stick because Wilbur said he tried it once.

**Blood God:** Tommy, the only universal language is violence. You know this language well, we’ve spoken it. We spoke it in the pit.

**???:** What does this mean, mr blade?

**Blood God:** If there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that your little country will go down in flames.

**PO GCHAMP:** YOU WOULDNT, YOU PINK BITCH

**Blood God:** Would I?

**???:** MR BLADE WHAT COUNTRY??? 

**Wilbur:** Is he talking about L’Manberg?

**BAA-:** STFU YOU’RE LITERALLY EXILED WILBUR. YOU ARE EXILED. YOU HAVE TO RIGHT IN MANBERG.

**Wilbur:** I’m going to fucking stab you, Schlatt.

**BAA-:** IM THE PRESIDENT. YOU CAN’T HURT ME.

**Big Crimes:** I apologise for him, he’s been drinking recently.

**Wilbur:** Thats alright, tubbo! dont worry about it! :)

**???:** WHAT THE HECK IS A LMANBERG???????

**Big Crimes:** i’ll fill u in through dms, big man. dw 

**???:** Tubbo is the only man ever, i hope u all know that.

**???:** thank u tubbo :]

**Big Crimes:** don’t worry, big man! Anything for my husband! :D

**Blood God:** Don’t come home tonight, Ranboo.

**???:** But.. Technoblade, you can’t do this! I have nowhere else to go!

**Blood God:** You made your choice when you married L’Manberg’s president’s right-hand man, Ranboo.

**???:** I understand. But know that nothing, and I mean nothing, will take Tubbo away from me.

**PO GCHAMP:** WAIT YOU TWO AREN’T ACTUALLY MARRIED RIGHT?

**???:** What? Are you jealous, Tommy?

**PO GCHAMP:** OF COURSE NOT! I JUST DONT LIKE THE FACT THAT YOU’RE MARRIED TO TUBBO.

**???:** So you’re jealous?

**PO GCHAMP:** NO FUCK YOU RANBOOB

**???:** lmfao gottem

**POG CHAMP:** FUCK

**???:** also, i still dont know what a “l’manberg” is-

**Wilbur:** It’s the country Tommy and I made because we were sleep deprived and thought pixy sticks were drugs

**???:** o h . 

**???:** wait that sounds fun someone help me find pixy sticks

**Blood God:** I despise you for this, Wilbur. I hope you know that. You’ve ruined the only competent person in this group chat.

**Fundy:** I AM RIGHT HERE??

**Blood God:** You only count when you’re not an orphan.

**Fundy:** WILBUR IS CANONICALLY MY FATHER??

**Blood God:** He fucked a fish, doesn’t count.

**Fundy:** FUCK YOU????

**Blood God:** I will hunt you down, Fundy.

**Fundy:** UN-FUCK YOU?????

**Blood God:** Much better. Thank you.

**Mr. Minecraft:** Techno, stop being dramatic.

**Blood God:** I am an english major, I get to do whatever I want.

**Mr. Minecraft:** And I was your babysitter for six years. Stop being dramatic.

**Blood God:** This is why you only got one canon life, Phil.

**Fundy:** L

**Wilbur:** L

**PO GHCHAMP:** L

**Big Crimes:** L

**???:** L

**Dream:** L

**Pandas:** L

**Mr. Sleeps:** L

**Mr. Minecraft:** I hate all of you.

**Mr. Minecraft:** Except for Karl.

**Time:** L

**Mr. Minecraft:** Nevermind, fuck you karl.

**Time:** FUCK

**Time:** I need kisses from my homies

**Pandas:** OMW

**Quackmeister:** omw puto

**Time:** QUAKCITY I DON”T KNOW SPANISH PLEASE-

**Blood God:** He called you a bitch

  
**Time:** LMFAO


	8. Adopted Child Pog?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ranboo and Tubbo actually illegally adopt a child, Eret joins the gc, and everyone is Tired of their Bullshit.

_2:45 PM_

**Big Crimes:** Hey guys?

**Big Crimes:** Ranboo and I found a half-piglin baby

**???:** He was just sitting there n i picked him up

**Big Crimes:** And now he’s our child. His name is Michael II.

**Mr. Minecraft:** What happened to Micheal I?

**Big Crimes:** He ran away.

**???:** Tubbo and I are devastated. The only way to heal our hearts is to adopt an actual child. He’s ours now.

**Big Crimes:** Michael II is our son now. 

**Big Crimes:** Or child.

**Big Crimes:** We don’t know it's pronouns.

**???:** have we been misgendering our child?

**Big Crimes:** i think so, big man. i tjink so.

**???:** we are terrible people

**Big Crimes:** i know, big man. i know.

**Mr. Minecraft:** Can the baby speak?

**Big Crimes:** it gurgles and makes noises. no words so far.

**Mr. Minecraft:** if the kid literally cant tell you it’s pronouns then dont worry about it--just use they/them until you know for sure.

**Big Crimes:** Philza Minecraft, the creater of Minecraft, you are so wise

**???:** The Wisest.

**Mr. Minecraft:** you’re welcome, tubbo and ranboo

_ 3:45 PM _

**???:** @ _Dr_ _ eam  _ is eret in this gc?

**Dream:** i don’t think so, ranboo

**???:** add him or ur homophobic

**Dream:** IM LITERALLY A PART OF THE LGBT+ COMMUNITY?????

**???:** I said what I said, Dream. Add the queen. Right now.

**Dream:** uhhh okay??

_**Dream** _ **has added** _**Eret** _ **to** **_Dream’s Losers!_ **

  
  


**Eret:** I don’t like the gc name so i’m changing it.

**Dream:** You don’t have admin privileges, Eret.

**Eret:** Then give them to me.

**_Dream_ ** **has given** **_Eret_ ** **admin privileges**

**Big Crimes:** THAT’S HOW YOU SPELL PRIVELEGES??????? WHAT THE FUCK???

**PO GCHAMP:** I FUCKING TOLD YOU

**Eret:** Oh, hello, Tommy! How’s your eye?

**PO GCHAMP:** ITS GOOD. STILL BLIND BUT YKNOW, IT IS WHAT IT IS

**Eret:** It’s not ‘what is it’, but I’m glad you’re doing well :D

**PO GCHAMP:** Eret, if anyone hurts you I will destroy them.

**???:** AGREED!!

**Big Crimes:** Was that not agreed upon when we all met them?

**PO GHCAMP:** IT WAS BUT I JUST THOUGHT I SHOULD SAY IT AGAIN

**Eret:** I appreciate all of you and I would do the same for you, thank you sm

**Eret:** also RANBOO AND TUBBO ARE MARRIED???? WHAT???

**???:** Recent development, for taxes

**Eret:** You’re a minor, you don’t pay taxes

**???:** Marriage fraud, then

**Big Crimes:** Big man is right :]

**Eret:** ALSO YOU GUYS HAVE A FUCKING CHILD? SINCE WHEN?

**Big Crimes:** roughly about and hour ago, illegally 

**Big Crimes:** legally, never

**???:** oh my god we stole a child tubbo

**Big Crimes:** yeah we did :-]

**???:** I DO NOT LIKE THAT SMILE WHY DOES IT HAVE A NOSE

**Big Crimes:** My beloved, why do you hate me?

**Big Crimes:** my streamer hates me sadge

**???:** IM NOT EVEN A STREAMER??? NONE OF US ARE???????

  
  


**Big Crimes:** Do Not Defy Me, Ranboo.

**???:** oh wow schlatt was right, that is terrifying

**Big Crimes:** :-]

**???:** Guys, Technoblade is being dramatic. What Do I Do?

**Big Crimes:** WWMOD?

**???:** Tubbo, what does that Mean?

**Eret:** What Would Master Oogway Do?

**???:** thank u king, ur a godsend. Truly.

**????:** but also wtf tubbo

**????:** WHY ARE THERE FOUR QUESTION MARKS????????

**Big Crimes:** Oh, i’ve been adding question marks every time u mention technoblade being dramatic lmfao

**????:** I-

**????:** so what do i do to stop him?

**Big Crimes:** You Dont.

**????:** Thank you, that is Terrifying! :)

**Big Crimes:** also do u think Michael II will like tacos?

**Eret:** DONT FEED HIM TACOS PLEASE

**Big Crimes:** Then Help Me, Eret.

**Eret:** omw

**Eret:** but only because i want to see Michael the second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl i forgot that i made Michael a chicken in this fic but then i scrolled up to make sure i was being consistent and then i was like: s h i t-
> 
> but all is well!! (for now)
> 
> also how do yall feel about techno using neopronouns in my fic (im tryna experiment with them myself and im hoping this fic can help me just a bit)??? i was thinkin abt it, but im not completely sure abt it yet


	9. Stan Eret. That is ALl.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Gods cry. And, sometimes, there's another God(dess) to help them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> techno using neopronouns? i think so. yes. i do think. i am thinking and i thinks yes.

**Blood God:** I sense that someone has been wronged.

**Blood God:** @ _ Big Crimes  _ @ _????  _ Where is Michael II?

**???:** With me and Tubbo?

**Blood God:** And that would be where, exactly?

**???:** My house??

**Blood God:** DM me your address, I am on my way.

**???:** HUH???

**Blood God:** Your address. Hand it over, memory boy.

**????:** uhhh Okay?

**Blood God:** Thank you, Ranboo.

**Blood God:** :]

**????:** this is the best day of my life, printed and framed

**Blood God:** Don’t push it, kid.

**????:** noted :)

_ 2:47 AM _

**Blood God:** lmao what if yall used xe/xeir pronouns for me ahahaha

**_Blood God has deleted a message_ **

**Eret:** DM me, Techno

**Blood God:** No

**Eret:** That wasn’t a request, Technoblade. DM me.

**Blood God:** You are terrifying when you want to be, Eret.

**Eret:** Good. Now DM me before I break your window and force you to.

**Blood God:** Geez, okay

**_DMs_ **

**_Heels on Wheel → ThE bLaDe_ **

**Heels on Wheels:** Do you use neopronouns, Techno?

**ThE bLaDe:** Maybe.

**Heels on Wheels:** You know you can tell the others, right? You didn't have to delete the message.

**ThE bLaDe:** Mhm.

**Heels on Wheels:** Do you want me to come over?

**ThE bLaDe:** Yes.

**ThE bLaDe:** please?

**Heels on Wheels:** of course, dude

**Heels on Wheels:** is ‘dude’ okay?

**ThE bLaDe:** Yup. Everything except overly-masc or fem terms.

**The bLaDe:** I think.

**Heels on Wheels:** Got it! 

**Heels on Wheels:** Now open your window, I can see you crying.

**ThE bLaDe:** How did you get here so fast??

**Heels on Wheels:** Don’t ask questions, Techno. Open the window.

**ThE bLaDe:** Uhhh okay?

  
  


///

Technoblade shoves the window open, waiting patiently for Eret to climb through. Their tall, black demonias hit the ground and Techno shouldn’t be surprised but xe is, considering that xeir room is on the third floor of Phil’s house. 

Eret smiles kindly, stretching his arms out for a hug. Technoblade falls into her arms immediately, tears starting to soak her leather jacket. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Eret whispers, deep voice calming Techno. Techno nods and the shuffle awkwardly towards the bed. As they sit in a comfortable silence. Eret waits for Technoblade to start the conversation.

It takes a while, mostly because Techno is trying to compose xeir thoughts and figure out what xeir’re going to say. Xeir breathing is labored and shallow, but xey seem to be coming around. Xey still seems a bit self conscious about the whole thing, but Eret--she had been the same way a two years ago. Luckily, the same person that they were comforting right now was there when they needed xem. So now, it was her turn to be there for xem. 

When Technoblade has gotten xeir breathing under control, xey start speaking albeit a bit shakily, “I don’t know for sure, but I think I was to use xe/xey neonouns,” Xe shrugs, “I don’t know.”

Eret smiles, “That’s okay, if you don’t know. You’re still in college, and you still have the rest of your life to figure yourself out. Don’t worry too much about it. Everyone in the group chat will be supportive, your family will be supportive. And, if someone isn’t supportive, I’ll castrate them.”

Technoblade laughs. “I don’t think I’ll be able to bail you out of that one, Eret.”

“Don’t have to,” Eret responds, “I’ll stay in jail for you,” 

Technoblade’s laughing gets louder. Eret beams at the happy look on her friend’s face. “You can’t do that, Eret.  _ I’m  _ the one that’s supposed to end up in jail.”

Eret raises an eyebrow. “Says who?” Techno’s laughing dies down, and xeir’re suddenly quiet again. Xey mumble something that he can’t quite catch. “What was that?” He asks. The situation has delved from serious, to light-hearted, and now back to serious. 

Technoblade says, a little louder this time, “Everyone does.”

“Give me their names.”

“No, thank you.” Technoblade whispers. Eret nods and doesn’t push--Techno will tell him when xey’re ready. One of xeir hands lifts to rub xeir eyes with the palm of xeir hand. Little dots dance in Technoblade’s vision and that’s when xey decide that it’s late enough to go to bed. “Nap.” Xey say. Eret laughs softly and nods.

“Do you want me to leave?” He asks. Technoblade shakes xeir head no. Xey needed comfort right now, and if Eret was willing to provide that comfort then who were xey to deny said comfort?

Eret nods and takes off their shoes and sets them by the bed before crawling under the covers. Technoblade shifts to make room for xeir friend. 

They lay together comfortably, Eret snaking an arm over Techno’s waist, careful not to break any boundaries the two had laid down roughly two years prior to now. Still, Eret asks if it’s okay. Technoblade nods and closes his eyes, soft breaths taking the place of what would usually be snores. 

Eret smiles and he, too, closes his eyes. He tries to go to bed before Technoblade starts snoring. It proves uneventful, but Eret wouldn't have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> istg all forms of knowing the english language left my body while writing this bcus i had to translate it all from spanish to english
> 
> also idk if i should mention but techno and eret's relationship will be platonic bcus im not 100% sure of their views on shipping yet!! :]


	10. I Thought We Were Joking About the Going To Jail Thing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eret and Techno run away from Darwin. Techno might know why, Eret doesn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK DARWIN. I HATE HIM SO MUCH. I HATE HIM. I CANNOT STAND HIM. CASTRATE HIM.
> 
> sorry for caps, but i felt my words needed the emphasis.

Technoblade shifted in the bed, arm slinging over Eret and nearly whacking them in the face. Groggily, xey turned xeir head to look at the other person occupying xeir bed. 

A knock at the door forces xem to get out of bed. “Yes?” Xe says, opening the door. There, in front of xem, stands Phil and Darwin. Phil holds an apologetic look on his face. Darwin looks like he’s cracked a case. Techno doesn’t like that, xe doesn’t at all. So, as a form of either panic or just not caring (most likely panic), xe slams the door shut and crawls back into bed. 

As quick as xe can, xe’s shaking Eret awake and pointing to the door. Eret doesn’t seem to completely understand, their eyebrows furrowed. Their eyes aren’t completely open, due to them getting a small amount of sleep and, of course, just waking up. 

Xe unplugs both xeir and Eret’s phone and shoves Eret’s demonias towards them. Quickly, xe shoves the chair from his desk under the doorknob. Xe can hear Darwin banging on the door, demanding that it be opened. Technoblade brings a finger up to xeir mouth, hoping that Eret gets the message to be quiet. 

Two questions remain on xeir mind as xe rushes to grab a change of clothes, a pair of shoes, and a brush for xeir hair:  _ Why was Darwin here? _ and  _ What has Darwin figured out? _

Eret seems to understand the rush and, as quick as she can, she’s scrambling to put her shoes on. Techno struggles to put xeir hair into a low ponytail, and when xey finally get it up, xey’re rushing to the window to try and pry the damn thing open.

The doorknob jiggles behind the two, the chair close to being knocked to the ground from the constant movement close to it. 

Once the window is open, Techno is ushering Eret out. If this had to do with what xey thought it did, Eret could  _ not _ get caught in the crossfire. Xey couldn’t have Eret taking the fall for something that was fully on xem. 

The door pushes open and Techno looks back and, in a fake facade of confidence, xey smirk and jump out of the window. 

Xey tumble a bit when xey hit the ground, but that doesn’t stop xem. Sure, xeir right leg is in extreme pain, but xey have to get Eret out of here. Darwin was sure to find xem and, if Eret was around when Darwin found xem, xey wouldn’t forgive xemself. (Eret had wormed himself into xeir life, and who would be to blame if Eret got in trouble on xeir behalf? Xemself, in Techno’s eyes). 

“Forest,” Xey whisper-yell. Eret nods, running in that direction. 

Technoblade is thankful that xe can’t entirely feel the pain in xeir legs, due to the adrenaline coursing through xem. 

///

**_Bbq_ **

**Blood God:** Where can Eret hide for the next six days?

**Big Crimes:** Not at mine, soory techno

**BAA-:** yeah im hiding myself, so no can do

**Blood God:** Drugs?

**BAA-:** What? No lmfao i sold schlattcoin

**Blood God:** what the fuck is schlattcoin

**BAA-:** well im GLAD you asked, Technoblade

**Blood God:** Nevermind, I don’t want to know.

**BAA-:** FUCK YOU

**Blood God:** Mmm no thanks, Schlatt. I’m good.

**BAA-:** THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

**Blood God:** K.

**BAA-:** i hate you.

**Blood God:** k.

**Fundy:** You can chill at my place, my parents r gone on a business trip and we live pretty far out

**Fundy:** why does Eret need a place to hide?

**Blood God:** ask Phil, running rn, cant type anymore.

**Lgbbq:** LMFAO HE JUST FELL

**Lgbbq:** **_[technofell.jpg]_ **

**Blood God:** fucaksdchjyou

**PO GHCHAMP:** IS HIS LEG BROKEN???

**Blood God:** No.

**Lgbbq:** Yeah, it is. We jumped out the window.

**PO GHCHAMP:** WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT WHAT THAT NOISE WAS???

  
**Lgbbq:** probably lmfao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey gang how we feelin' abt beeduo and clingyduo rn? 
> 
> anyways stan Michael

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i wrote this while still having three other fics to write. yes, i am probably going to forget about this fic.


End file.
